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Tuesday, October 28, 2014

I Know Some Beautiful Souls

It is done, I did it!! I really did it.  [This is a follow up to my last post.] 
My performance review went great and I have given my employer notice that I will be attending school in Fall 2015!  Leading up to the performance review I was getting advice from both my husband and friends.  Needless to say, they were all right.

It has been some time since I last updated the blog so let me give you a rundown of where my life is now. 

As I have indicated in past posts my better half and I got engaged in January of 2012. Well, we were married on August 16, 2014.  They day went beautifully and felt all too short for all the planning we did.  I am extremely happy with how everything unfolded.  
Quite a few of our friends and family came out to set up the day before and the day of.  Let me tell you: there has never been a moment in my life where I felt as loved as I did on both the day-of and the day before.  All the outreach and assistance we received from all our loved ones truly spoke volumes and caused me to reflect a great deal on the people we have in our lives.  

I will feel forever blessed for everyone that volunteered to be involved for actually being there.   I am also blessed that the people we know are the people that they are.  Such strong, kind, and caring souls; I don't think I can every fully express the extent of the love Xavier and I felt that day. 

Now that we are married, of course, the question we get asked on a regular basis is: "When are you going to have children?"  [Yes, I say regular basis - even though we have only been married for just over two months now]
Whoa! Whoa! WAIT!  It feels like we literally just paid for the wedding and now we gotta be tackling heavy questions like that?!  
Don't get me wrong, we want kids... eventually!  Right now at this point in my life I still feel like a kid myself.  We still want to get some traveling done before we have to worry about baby passports and diaper bags.  And I want to return to school to get me some post-secondary education.  Hence, part of the reason why I am pursuing the schooling now.  

I am at a point in my life now where I need to go back to school or else I feel like I'll miss my chance.  Like I said, we want kids eventually.  Xavier is also done most-to-all of his schooling to become a journeyman plumber so we are at a comfortable stage in our lives where I can go back to school full-time without having to worry about when he may need to return to school himself.  
I am looking to obtain a diploma under the Digital Media and I.T. program which one of our local schools offer in the city here.  My goal is to become either a web designer or even develop apps for mobile devices.  Heck, I could even design video games!  
One of the courses under this program teaches about Trans-media and how to create a story which can be translated over different forms of media.   That to me, sounds extremely interesting!! Just think of how awesome it would be to create a world with a set of characters that could start out as a video game, then be made into comics and maybe even web-episodes.  
Anyways, I digress from the point I was originally trying to make.

Leading up to the performance review yesterday, I received wonderful advice about this big life move I am putting into action. 
My husband told me, "You have always been concerned about your job and how your actions will affect your employer.  You will be going to school for you and your dreams, for once.  How your employer handles you leaving or how they choose to cover your position is not your worry.  You cannot let them hold you back." 

One of my good friends said to me, "No amount of stress or worry will make it any easier for you so remind yourself tonight: 'This phase of my life has treated me well, I have been the best contribution I can be and now my need here is done. I am needed elsewhere; onto the next project where I can contribute and continue self growth.'"  Isn't that beautiful?? (she's so smart)

So my friends, that was my mantra going into the performance review: 

"This phase of my life has treated me well."


Making a career in digital media is my dream and knowing this I offered up my intentions to the universe.  

And wouldn't you know it but my boss reiterated the exact same things to me that were offered to me as advice.
Initially his face dropped but as he puts it "I am a strong advocate for education".  
He went on to tell me how he is very excited about my future and how happy he is to hear that I am following a dream.  He even acknowledged that I am the type of person to put work before myself and how ecstatic he is that I am finally doing something for myself. 
The things my boss said to me were exactly what I was telling myself and what other people were offering up as advice.  All brought forth with intention.

I couldn't believe how painless it was.  However on the other hand, no matter the amount of self-assuring I did and no matter the amount of listening to what people had to say, I still could not shake how awful it felt to give my employer notice that I was leaving. 
I have come to depend on my role at the office as much as the office has come to depend on me to always be present, on-time, and reliable.  The family which owns my company has indicated more than once about how much like-family I am.  Seeing my boss' face as I broke the news was hard.  Even after giving my notice and since letting the rest of the office know, seeing the faces of some of my co-workers has been heart-wrenching.. and I'm not leaving for another year yet!  It is hard to tell someone that what they have provided you is not what you want anymore, and that you dream of other paths. 

Now that my work is aware of my future plans, I cannot explain how relieved and invigorated I feel.  I have expressed my intentions vocally to people in my life.  I have set my mind and my soul to start making more for myself which is more than half the battle when you want to achieve something.  As I did before the performance review, I do so now:  

"Universe, I'll do great in my part-time studies and will be enrolled as a full-time student in September 2015."


I feel such confidence about the year to come.  I would not be as full of intention as I am now without knowing the people I do and loving them to the lengths that I do.  Love and intention is the purpose and drive of life.  With love in your heart - be it love from or for others, even self-love - intention is entirely possible.  Intention creates and attracts. 

One love!

Monday, October 27, 2014

Life Moves

One April morning, about 6 ½ years ago, I woke up early, showered, dressed, and once readied, I left my small basement apartment.  I proceeded to walk directly north until I reached a bus stop.  After somewhat of wait I eventually boarded a bus into the dawn.  
This was the first of many a morning commute which I still continued to take until this day.  My starting location has changed several times but the destination has always remained the same.  Today's commute felt entirely different.

I know, I'm not the first and only person in the world that has been employed by the same company for over 6 years.  So, what's the big deal right?  Well, today, I am going to have the talk with my boss about what my goals and plans are; it is time for my annual performance review.  This has happened several times before, so what is the big deal? In answer that question: I am telling my employer that I am planning on becoming a full-time student this upcoming fall semester.

The company I work for is a family owned business that consists of a small taskforce; about 3 full-time brokers and 2 part-time brokers.  Our book of business is worth a substantial amount of which I don't feel comfortable about disclosing, so let's just say there is never a day where there is no work.  On the better staffed days we have 4 brokers in the office, on a typical day we have 2 & ½ brokers [I'll let you try and figure out what I mean by half a broker]. 
This company has employed me for over half a decade, allowed me to be considered like-family and has been both generous & understanding over the years.
The office operates pretty thin and it gets hectic and stressful at times, so leaving them short is something I'm not proud of.  But then I can't let that hold me back.
The performance review is my chance to let the company know of my future plans. 

We'll see how it goes.

Peace & Love, my friends.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

2014 - A Big Year

Well I can admit (without hesitation) to myself that I failed on blogging last year... AT ALL!!  

.....Tsk Tsk....

I truly had every intention of blogging but it fell to the waist side.  Now I can make up all the excuses in the world about how I was busy doing this or doing that but that is all they will be: EXCUSES.

I'm getting married this summer!! As of today we are 188 days away until the big day!!  So far so good, we got everything booked, now we just got to worry about what the groom and wedding party are going to wear, and finalize the centerpieces for the reception.  The save the dates have been mailed and now I need to make the invitations, bouquets, and boutonnieres.  I think we are in a decent state for where we need to be.  I am positive the day will come together as I hope!

In my last post I determined a few resolutions which I have improved on.  Not every one of these resolutions have been accomplished but I can hold my head up high with the progress I have made:
  1. Get more sleep - I have made a more conscience effort of monitoring my sleep and how it affects me.  Early bedtimes are a must in our household and I feel better in the morning for it.
  2. Stop over thinking - Since acknowledging this problem I have become better at controlling my thoughts.  I no longer find my brain jumping to conclusions or making up the worst our of situations.  All in all I am in a happier state of mind.
  3. Stop procrastinating - This will always be an issue with me.  However the first step to solving a problem is acknowledging there is one.  I find I do have less stress and anxiety than a year ago, maybe that means I have been procrastinating less.
  4. Be more active - I am getting married in August.  I have been going to the gym.  I have been surrounding myself with positive reinforcements and trying to keep in mind that going to gym is more important than staying at home after a day of work.  This is a hard feat but the key to staying with it is through motivation which I surround myself with.  Also my better half helps keep me accountable.
  5. Stop taking on more distractions - Obivously since I haven't be blogged in over  year something has been distracting me... We'll just say that this resolution still needs work. 
  6. Practice solitude more often - I am more self reflective and find I can focus my energies and feelings more so than a year ago.  I have made progression on this front.  As far as practicing complete solitude, I still am working on meditation without my mind wondering.  I figure once I get more of solitude it will help out with #2 (above).
  7. Learn to drive - I can drive!!! I'm not licensed yet but I can definitely drive! I have completed driver's training however ever since the snow hit I have been hesitant to get more practice in.  Once spring hits and the ice has disappears I will be pursuing my full license.
  8. Be mindful - I have made progress on this one.  I know for a fact I have.  I know my energies affect others and draw similar like energies back to me in return.  Don't get me wrong I slip up and let one bad thing ruin my day but this doesn't happen as much as it use to.
     "Look past your thoughts, so you may 
    drink the pure nectar of this moment.”   
     -Rumi                     
  9. Take better care of myself - This is the always the ultimate goal.  As I stated before I want to feel happier, feel healthier and be enlightened. I know I'm almost there.
  10. Cook and eat at home more oftern - Honestly, I can't say whether or not this has improved.  I guess it has but I'm sure we'll always resort to eating out instead of cooking.  The real issue here is if we are eating healthier, and I feel as though we have.  We have cut out bacon and cook with chicken bacon which is a great improvement carb-wise.  We haven't bought a loaf of bread in over a year, if we do need bread we use my nifty bread machine!  We eat avocados on the regular which are so so YUMMY!!  When we do eat outside of home I make a conscience decision not to fill my body with crap.
There's an update for you.  I will be sure to do so more often, especially with the wedding coming up!

Peace & Love, my Friends! 
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